weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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