I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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