No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
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Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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