if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
