On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
