just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The struggles of a small town man whore
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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