if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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