She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
