OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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