the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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