I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
