i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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