i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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