I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
