Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Say something about gay babies.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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