i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
