Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
