Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
