Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
