Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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