My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
