My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
