my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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