Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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