his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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