I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
