I wanna bring you to show and tell
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
