Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
