i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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