I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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