i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
