Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
