You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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