i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
