umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
