I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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