Having a random hookup so left but love u
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
