If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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