She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He had one of those small greek statue penises
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
