also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
