if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
