I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
