I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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