wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
