That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
