How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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