I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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