I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
