So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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