i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
