I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So apparently I’m into choking now
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
