careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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