I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
