Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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