Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
