answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
