don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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