So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
