There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
