I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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