Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
