nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
