She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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