It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
