tonight lets celebrate not being married
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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