im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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