So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
