Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
