I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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