Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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