the condom got lost in my hair
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
