she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
