the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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