Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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