Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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