Whod you bang
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
