Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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