Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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