something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
