it wasn't lemon gatorade
You smell like stripper and shame
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
